Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Thank you

 I originally posted our loss on facebook because it seemed the easiest way to tell as many people as possible at once.  I wanted to get it over with, let everyone know because at the time I was thinking I could tell people and then go to my hole and be alone.   I actually thought before I posted that I wish there was a way I could disable comments because I just wanted everyone to know and the be done with it. 

And then the messages and comments started coming.  The texts and the phone calls.   And my gosh, the email messages.  If you or your loved ones have never had a loss consider yourself very, very lucky.  So many women (and a few guys!) sent messages and wanted me to know that they have been there.  I had people contact me that have had losses at 6 weeks, 16 weeks, 36 weeks, even after birth.  These women are so awe inspiring and I see their strength and draw upon it.  So many people have said they don't know what to say, but just wanted to let me know that they were thinking about us.  That is so nice.   These last few days have been so, so hard.  Even harder than the last loss - there are so many unanswered questions and if you know me, not having answers is my kryptonite.  But I have really been able to lean on the kind words, the thoughts, the prayers, and just the kindness.

There have been two emails that had parts that really meant a lot to me and I have went back and reread them a few times - the first was from a friend who lost a baby at 36 weeks. She said "The best way to mother that baby is to be the best mother you can to it's big brother and wife to it's dad." I love that because I can DO that. It is something that I can physically act on.

The other comment that really resonated with me was from a great mama and friend. She said simply "I really don't know what you are going through, and I don't really have words to express how I feel. So I'll just say I wish you weren't going through it, and I won't ever forget your baby." That means so much to me.

I am trying to respond to each comment or message or text but I am afraid some might slip through the cracks (you know how you read something on your phone and then can't find it later on facebook on your computer) but I assure you I have read every single comment, message, and text and each one has kind of built a bridge that helped get me through the last few days.  Thank you. 

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