Today is a hard, hard day. Probably the hardest on me emotionally so far. I expected it though. Back in January we scheduled our gender ultrasound for May 1st at noon. Since then I have been so excited about May 1st and felt like it was never, ever going to get here. I had "Big Day" written on my calender and have looked at that entry daily for the past four months with excitement.
Today is the day and it obviously hasn't gone like I had hoped. Our plans were for Shawn, Fisher, and I to go to the ultrasound - find out if we were having a boy or a girl and then going to lunch together to celebrate. Then I was going to take Fisher and Shawn home for Fisher's nap time and then I was going to go shopping to celebrate our newest addition and was so looking forward to having some "alone" time with our new baby buying a few things for him or her. I had not bought anything for the baby this pregnancy and even though I have been tempted a few times, I was making myself wait until May 1st.
From the time my eyes opened this morning I have been very sad and can't help but watch the clock and think what I had expected we would have been doing at each moment. And then on top of that the doc's office told me yesterday that they would be calling me today or tomorrow to give us the results of the chromosome studies. I am nervous about that. I don't expect to get answers from the chromosome studies, but I do expect to find out if our baby was a boy or a girl. So it feels like cruel irony that we might find out the gender of our baby today afterall.