Tuesday, September 13, 2016

I love the person I've become

I had a fantastic realization today.  I am ok.  I am more than ok. I am happy, I am strong, I am FIERCE, I am powerful, I am loved, I am love, I am enough.  I am so much more than I ever thought possible seven years ago when I gave birth to my son and he was injured.  I was broken because I thought I broke him.  I had a hard, hard start to my life as a parent.  But now, seven years later from his "labor day" (he was born the next day but I labored all day Sept 13, 2009) I can look back and see that day changed the trajectory of my life.  And on this day seven years out I can see that trajectory change is powerful and absolutely meant to be.  I could write a book on how my life changed from that one day in so many ways but what I am excited about is that today on his labor day anniversary I can see the good, the positive, the AMAZING things we have instead of being sad and angry.  Time passing helps I am sure but I am not willing to give time the credit on this one.  I am proud of the work I have put in to heal inside and out.  It would have been much easier to wallow in anger, in frustration, and sadness but I don't want that for my life or for my family's life.  Of course I have moments of anger, frustration, and sadness.  I have "freak outs" at times when I am triggered by something that throws my into a tailspin of emotions and I probably always will.  But I have learned to get through those moments, to feel those feelings, to acknowledge them, to lean on my supportive friends and family in the hard moments, and those moments pass. I refuse to let the hard times win.  The bad moments are there - absolutely yes - but so are the good moments.  The laughter, the holy-crap-I-can't-believe-this moments, the gains, the hugs, the "I love yous", they are all there and I am so thankful.  So today instead of being sad on this anniversary of his labor day - I am happy.  I am happy of where he is. He has worked so hard and I am so proud of him.  I feel blessed to have so many people in my life that were the right people at the right time to support me.  I am ok and I do love this person I've become and I know how hard I fought to become her.  And I am happy.