Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My first time I felt like a good mom...

I guess I will follow up my bad mom post with a good mom post though I promise I do think about things other than being a mom. However, it is on my mind a lot as is Fisher's birth and delivery since we are dealing with his birth injuries again. We had to go to Cincinnati Children's Hospital yesterday so he could see a Pediatric Plastic Surgeon. We found out that he will need to have more surgeries in the future to place nasal stents in his nostrils to try to increase their size. However, the doctor stated that the surgeries will likely be more successful if we can wait until he is older, maybe three or four. So the last few days have been a little rough for me. While I am so ecstatic to have a healthy, happy, absolutely amazing son - I hate that we can't be finished with the birth injury phase for good.

Regardless - the first time I felt like a good mom (and to be honest, I feel like a good mom a lot more than I feel like a bad one!). Again, Fisher was in the NICU the first four days of his life. I am incredibly thankful that the hospital where he was born has a great NICU and it is on the same floor as the maternity rooms. Parents were allowed to be in the NICU with their children as much as they wanted which was great. I was very lucky to have great lactation consultants who worked with me and Fisher in the NICU to help us with breastfeeding - something I really wanted to do. Fisher thank God took right to it, because if he would have had even the slightest trouble they would have recommended bottle feeding or a feeding tube. Anyway, I was extra happy to be able to breastfeed him while he was in the NICU because it was about the only thing I could to help him. Being in the NICU he was on a strict schedule of eating every three hours so I would be there every three hours like clockwork. During the day I would often make the long walk to the NICU by myself and feed him. At night Shawn would always get up and go with me and we would sleepily feed him, hold him, change his diaper and then go back to our room. By the time I had fed him and cared for his needs I only had an hour and a half or so until the next time I had to be there. So all day and all night I was going back and forth from my room to the NICU. I would feed him and then walk back to my room to eat, shower, make phone calls, send emails, brag about how adorable and strong Fisher was, I was pretty much doing anything BUT sleeping. Anyway - that walk (more like a hobble, I was pretty beat up myself)to the NICU was something I looked forward to. In the hallway I passed lots of other new moms walking around with their babies, daddies getting things for their wives, excited friends and family on their way to see the newest addition. Though I was often jealous of their healthy babies that got to stay in the room with their mom, I was also excited about getting to hold and feed my new son. Each time I got to go spend that hour with him I felt like I was the luckiest mom in the world.
Fast forward six months.....Fisher is healthy and happy. I request my medical records from the hospital and was looking through them. I noticed that almost every nurses note said something like "Mother is not in room, she is visiting son in NICU", "Mother spends a lot of time in NICU","Stopped by room - Mother was on the way out to feed son in NICU", "Mother said she would shower when she got back from the NICU." Reading all those nurses notes made me smile. For all the people who say it is harder to bond with your baby if you had a c-section, or you don't breastfeed, or you are separated for hours after birth, or your baby is in the NICU, or whatever the case may be and your birth didn't go as "perfect" as you hoped - I say never underestimate the drive, dedication, and love of a new mom.

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