Today was Wren's due date. Oct 13th. I have mixed feelings about today. Some ways it is hard. But honestly it isn't harder than the last few weeks. I don't put a lot of emphasis on "due" dates in pregnancy - because I know that a baby is due when he or she is fully cooked and ready to make an appearance and a particular date doesn't mean much. So I think more of a due month. Two weeks prior and two weeks after the due date. So the last few weeks have been rough as I have been going about the motions of my normal, non 9 month pregnant life. Prior to losing Wren I had made many work plans thinking I would not be working at this point in the year. There have been many reminders the past few weeks that my life is not as I had thought it would be right now and those reminders have been hard to deal with at times.
In many ways I am relieved that her due date is here. I have been avoiding the calender and dates since May. I hate thinking "I would have been X number of weeks." So that is behind me and I am grateful.
Signs is the topic of the CarlyMarie Project today. Since we lost Wren I have always imagined her in heaven being rocked by my Nana. I can see Nana and Grandaddy on rocking chairs rocking their three great grandchildren in heaven. On hard nights that image has been a peaceful and comfortable image. Last July I was driving in the mountains alone for work and I had my ipod on shuffle. I was thinking about Wren, Finley, and Nana and then the song that always reminds me of Nana came on my Ipod. It was kind of weird - since I have so many songs on my ipod and that song came on at that moment. And then the next song that came on was a song about miscarriage that obviously reminds me of Finley and Wren. Just too weird to be a coincendence. :) It was a sign to me that they are all together in heaven.