Day 13: Signs

Today was Wren's due date.  Oct 13th.  I have mixed feelings about today. Some ways it is hard.  But honestly it isn't harder than the last few weeks.  I don't put a lot of emphasis on "due" dates in pregnancy - because I know that a baby is due when he or she is fully cooked and ready to make an appearance and a particular date doesn't mean much.  So I think more of a due month.  Two weeks prior and two weeks after the due date.  So the last few weeks have been rough as I have been going about the motions of my normal, non 9 month pregnant life.  Prior to losing Wren I had made many work plans thinking I would not be working at this point in the year.  There have been many reminders the past few weeks that my life is not as I had thought it would be right now and those reminders have been hard to deal with at times.

In many ways I am relieved that her due date is here.  I have been avoiding the calender and dates since May.  I hate thinking "I would have been X number of weeks."  So that is behind me and I am grateful. 

Signs is the topic of the CarlyMarie Project today.  Since we lost Wren I have always imagined her in heaven being rocked by my Nana.  I can see Nana and Grandaddy on rocking chairs rocking their three great grandchildren in heaven.  On hard nights that image has been a peaceful and comfortable image.  Last July I was driving in the mountains alone for work and I had my ipod on shuffle.  I was thinking about Wren, Finley, and Nana and then the song that always reminds me of Nana came on my Ipod.  It was kind of weird - since I have so many songs on my ipod and that song came on at that moment.  And then the next song that came on was a song about miscarriage that obviously reminds me of Finley and Wren.   Just too weird to be a coincendence. :)  It was a sign to me that they are all together in heaven.