I literally keep thinking "My Heart Hurts" over and over and over in my head. It really does. I think in the whole scheme of things we are doing ok. I have many moments when I feel ok; when I feel normal. Doing the normal, mundane things seem to help a lot - giving Fisher a bath, reading him books, all the things I do every day - it is a nice reminder that things are going on and I am ok. Shawn and I laugh and that feels good. We actually laugh about some of the things that happened Friday and though I feel demented about laughing about it, it also feels good. That is what Shawn and I do, we laugh. So I have these moments that I feel ok and I am so glad I have those because it makes me realize that we are going to be ok. We will carry on, I know we can't erase what happened, but I also know that we some really good reasons to keep moving forward.
I ordered this bracelet last night.
It says "I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)". That just seems perfect. I know that we will continue going on. We will talk about this experience less and less and maybe the graphic images will fade over time. But I also know that I will carry in my heart forever the little one that I missed out on. Like I said - we didn't have him long, but we loved him completely.