Monday, September 19, 2011

My heart hurts

I literally keep thinking "My Heart Hurts" over and over and over in my head.  It really does.  I think in the whole scheme of things we are doing ok.  I have many moments when I feel ok; when I feel normal.   Doing the normal, mundane things seem to help a lot - giving Fisher a bath, reading him books, all the things I do every day - it is a nice reminder that things are going on and I am ok.  Shawn and I laugh and that feels good.  We actually laugh about some of the things that happened Friday and though I feel demented about laughing about it, it also feels good. That is what Shawn and I do, we laugh.  So I have these moments that I feel ok and I am so glad I have those because it makes me realize that we are going to be ok.  We will carry on, I know we can't erase what happened, but I also know that we some really good reasons to keep moving forward. 
I ordered this bracelet last night.

 It says "I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)".  That just seems perfect.  I know that we will continue going on.  We will talk about this experience less and less and maybe the graphic images will fade over time.  But I also know that I will carry in my heart forever the little one that I missed out on.  Like I said - we didn't have him long, but we loved him completely. 

1 comment:

  1. I start crying at the oddest moments, crying for your little one.
    I love this bracelet. It is perfect.