Serendipity at Blue Hole Springs

I had a really cool experience this week at work and no it didn't involve bears, raccoons, or any other furry creature.  It involved my nana and granddaddy - who unfortunately are not living anymore. 
I have this childhood memory with my nana and grandaddy from when I was probably 5 or so.  They took me to a park and we went on a tour with the naturalist.  This is what I remember from my 5 year old memory.....

Nana and Grandaddy took me to a park and it was just me and not my sisters.   At this park we took a tour with the ranger and the ranger talked about the Trail of Tears and I remember being sad because she told about how horrific that was for the Indians.  And then I remember going to this Blue Hole and what I remember is the Blue Hole was a bottomless hole of water that the Cherokee Indians drank water and where many children drowned because it was a "bottomless" hole.   I remember it just being a kind of creepy, scary, but really cool place - because to me this was almost a haunted hole - where kids die.  (In hindsight I have no idea if the ranger actually said anything about kids dieing or if my grandparents just told me to stay close so I wouldn't fall in and drown).  Even at a young age I was a good swimmer, as I had taken lessons starting very young.  I couldn't understand why people would drown even in a bottomless pit - because it isn't like you need a bottom to swim.  I thought maybe there was something weird about the blue hole that sucked people in. 

For some reason this memory has stuck with me all these years and I have always wondered about that hole.  I obviously no longer believed that I had seen a bottomless hole that sucked unexpecting children in -but I have always wondered where we were and has always been one of those places I wanted to see again.  I am not sure why but I never asked my Nana about about that trip to the blue hole - probably because I knew my memory was from a young child's perspective and I didn't know if was anywhere close to reality.

This week at work I went to check out Red Clay State Park which is south of Cleveland, TN about the possibility of trapping raccoons.  I went in and talked to the ranger and she showed me a map of the park.  I quickly saw a landmark called "Blue Hole Springs" and I asked the ranger about it.  She explained that it is a natural spring and the hole was 14 feet deep and created the blue color.  I was so excited and knew that this was the place from my memories.   I didn't tell her that I remembered it being a bottomless pit that sucked children but I did ask her where the Blue Hole was so I could go see it for myself.

I walked down to the Blue Hole and sure enough - that is the one from my memory.  Well, probably a lot smaller and less menacing - but definitely the one I remember.  I think it is funny that my "bottomless child sucking hole" is a 14 foot natural spring.   Regardless, I was so glad to have happened upon this memory!   It made me miss my grandparents and then feel comfoted by them at the same time.

Ode to my first house

Today we closed on the sale of our first house. What a bittersweet process. I love this house, I loved this house when I stepped in the door way 3.5 years ago and knew it was our house. Though the house was built in 1941, we were only it's second owners. The original owners were also the builders and they built it with love and attention to detail. When we closed on the buying of the house the old man took me around the property and told me lots of stories about it and then when he left he said to me "I am so happy you bought this house, I hope it will be a great place for you to start your family" And it truly has been. In the three short years we have lived here our lives have changed and been enriched in amazing ways. This is the house where Shawn and I passed the all important test that led us down the road of being parents. We stood in the kitchen and couldn't believe that we were going to be parents and couldn't have been more excited.

This is where Shawn and I watched my belly grow and we documented it in front of the arched doorway to the dining room.
Here I am at 37 weeks -


This is the house we brought our amazing baby boy home too. This is where the three of us got to know each other as mother, father, and son.

This is the place that many of my friends and family first met Fisher. One memory that is a favorite of mine is when my aunts, Teresa and Jonna, brought my grandmother, Nana here to meet Fisher for the first time. I was so proud to show off my little boy. My Nana has since passed away and one of my favorite all time memories of her is the picture below - her rocking her first and only (so far!) great grandson.

And of course all the big firsts in Fisher's life - rolling over, crawling, walking, talking took place here. The big first birthday bash was celebrated in our little house.


So yes, it is just a house but I am obviously emotionally tied to it. We no longer own the house but I know the memories that we have here will last our lifetime. I just hope the new owners don't burn it down while frying a turkey like they did their last house.

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011

Another year in the books (almost) and along with most of the other folks I know I am looking back at the good, the bad, and the ugly of 2010 and looking forward to 2011 and hoping and praying that it will be a great year for my family.
Some of my highlights of 2010 -
Fisher had no nose surgeries in 2010. He was scheduled to have several but I struggled with deciding to do more or not. He had four nose surgeries in 2009 which opened his nose up enough to breathe, and then the ENT totally it up to me to decide if we should do more. He said I was the one that was around Fisher all the time and understand his breathing more than anyone else. So I brought in 2010 by canceling a nose surgery and then sitting on pins and needles for weeks wondering if I did the right thing. I am glad to say, I did! Though he will likely need more surgery in the future, he did awesome without it this year and is a truly happy, healthy, thriving, little boy. I think going with my gut and making this decision helped me get my parenting wings and I am a more confident, more self assured mom now going into 2011.
Shawn also came into his own as a dad. He matured and grew throughout the year and learned a lot in the process. Shawn had his first experience being alone for multiple days with Fisher early in 2010 and he did great. Since then I have taken many, many work trips and came home to two happy guys each time.
We also found out this year that we will be moving to Knoxville for my job. We are excited about living in Knoxville but have been busy and stressed getting our house in Kentucky ready for the market. I am happy to say that it is now officially listed but I will be even happier in 2011 when I can say it is officially sold.
In 2010 I also said goodbye to my Nana, I still have a hard time thinking about living in Knoxville without her there. I know we will miss her a lot in the coming year as we can established down there.
So what does 2011 hold for me and my family? I pray 2011 brings good health for me and my entire family. 2010 we have dealt with miscarriages, leukemia, heart problems, and multiple other ailments in my family. I hope that 2011 is a much healthier year all around! And I hope that sometime in 2011 Shawn and I will have things stable enough to try for our second son or daughter. We hope to have two children (though I seriously want three, but we can't really afford it) and would like them to be close together in age. Plus we aren't getting any younger :) So we will see. We have to get this move behind us and Shawn needs to get a teaching job in Knoxville. I guess that is why people like the New Year - there is always the hope that this year will be a great year. A year of health, happiness, and fruitfulness. I hope all of my friends and family have exactly that and even more.
Happy New Year everyone!

Giving thanks in a new way

Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday. It is usually the only time each year that my entire family that lives in several different states can get together. As my sisters and I have grown up, went to college, got jobs, etc it has been harder and harder for everyone to get together. But we all make a concerted effort to be there at Thanksgiving. At Nana's house. Nana was the matriarch of the family. She loved to have everyone at her house and made sure she had each person's favorites - frozen waffles for Emily, peppermint ice cream for Jonna,sausage balls for Shanna, orange juice for me. Each year she welcomed us to her house with a big Nana hug and an even bigger smile. Thanksgiving was a blur of family, stories, laughing, food, and usually a trip to the Smoky Mountains. And each Thanksgiving we made an official Thanksgiving picture. Everyone has their "places". Each year we all centered around Nana, each in our particular spot.

This will be our first Thanksgiving without Nana. While I am definitely looking forward to seeing my family I know things will be different. In fact, we are making things different this year on purpose. I don't know if it will make the void created by Nana not being there better or worse. But I do know that Nana is up in heaven smiling and thrilled that we are all getting together at her house. I know she also expects us to get into our "spots" and take our annual Thanksgiving picture. Her spot is a huge hole that will never be filled. But do you know what? This Thanksgiving I am thankful to have had 31 years and a lifetime of memories with a Nana that is that irreplaceable

Our next adventure - Knoxville here we come

It is almost official, things are starting to fall into place...
We are moving! We currently live in Eastern KY and are going to be moving to Knoxville, TN for my job. I am currently the Kentucky Rabies Wildlife Biologist but for the past few months I have been serving as both the Kentucky and Tennessee Rabies Wildlife Biologist because the TN biologist took a new job. It has been decided that covering both TN and KY is going to be a permament job duty for me and logistically it makes more sense for me to work out of Knoxville, TN than where I live now. I have been driving down to Knoxville (5 hour drive) at least every other week and will be spending the majority of Nov and Dec down there. If we live in TN I will have less travel and will be home a lot more.
There are many positives to the move - I love Knoxville, I went to undergrad there, we have friends and family that live there. I look forward to spending time in the Smokies, hiking, fishing, camping, aaahhhhh. Right now we are having to drive 2 hours to Fisher's nose specialists, so hopefully when we move to Knoxville that will be much easier. And there is this whole issue that we want more children but we sure as heck aren't going to have another child where we had Fisher. I was planning on driving 2 hours to Lexington the next time we get pregnant, which I wasn't looking forward to.
I have to admit though, the idea of moving is bittersweet. There is this tiny thing that we own and must sell....our house. That is super scary to me. The cost of living is higher in Knoxville and I am worried about having to find Fisher a new daycare. His daycare he is at now is such a great fit! I also really love working in Kentucky. I love my coworkers here and my supervisor, I wish I didn't have to change that side of things.
And the hardest thing is that my Nana lived in Knoxville and she passed away just 2 months ago. The first thing I thought of when it became "official" that we were moving was "I can't wait to tell Nana!" because Nana would have been more than thrilled. When the idea of moving to Knoxville started getting tossed around Nana was in the hospital and we were thinking that she would be going to a nursing home. I was excited about the possibility of visiting her at the nursing home once a week for dinner. I could imagine Fisher looking forward to our weekly visits as much as she did. I think that this move becoming official has resulted in me greiving for Nana. I really miss her and I am sad for all the future memories I won't have with her.
But I am hoping and praying that a year from now things will be settled down. We will have sold our house in Ashland, bought a new house in Tennessee, Shawn will be teaching, and Fisher will be adjusted to his new day care. Knoxville has always felt like home to me and I am excited about living there with Shawn and Fisher. There is so much to do, so many people to meet, so many trails to hike. I never thought I would have a wildlife job in a state I wanted to live in (TN or KY) much less an awesome town. So bring on the adventure, let's see what Knoxville holds for our family!

Nana

My Nana is dieing. It is hard for me to believe, even though she has been in and out of the hospital since April. I just can not wrap my head around a world without Nana in it. I have only good memories of my Nana and it is really impossible for me to come to terms that there will be no new good memories, though I know I will always cherish the thousands I have.
However, she is dieing. The doctors and her daughters think it is time to "make her comfortable" and leave the rest to God.
It is impossible to try to explain how important Nana is to me and my family. There really are no words but know that if you ever met Nana, she would be your Nana too.