Monday, December 31, 2012

Reflections - 2012 edition

As I see and hear everyone talking about the highs and lows of 2012 I often find myself melancholy and sad about what 2012 was and what it wasn't.  I had some great events and memories from 2012 and for those I am thankful - but one event that casts a shadow over so much is the loss of our Wren.  This time last year I was cautiously optimistic that our first loss had been a single, awful incident.  Though I was obviously heartbroken I still felt that next time things would be different and I really expected to be holding and loving on our baby on the eve of 2013.  And when we got pregnant last January and things appeared to be going well, we got past the first trimester, I told work, etc, etc, etc I REALLY thought we had made it and we were going to welcome a baby during 2012.  Of course that was not meant to be.  So as I reflect on 2012 I think a lot about the loss of my innocence and naivety.  I have definitely grown in compassion and understanding but the costs of that growth was high. 

I am normally an optimist and I would love to think about the coming year with blind optimism but if 2012 has taught me anything it is to not assume or take for granted.  I am almost afraid to put high hopes on 2013 right now - so right now as I look to the coming year my hope is to live in the moment and enjoy and be thankful for the blessings I am given. 

1 comment:

  1. I feel similarly...the loss of innocence is almost just as painful as the loss experienced. I can still not wrap my head around it. Each day is a new journey through the grief. I wish you all the best for 2013.

    I have nominated you for the Liebster Award for your beautiful and open blogging: