What I learned from my freak out

I made it through my first OB/GYN appointment since having Fisher. I was really worried about it and didn't know how I would react to going.

While I was in the waiting room I felt my anxiety building. I wanted to walk out, but I kept trying to distract myself. And then my name was called. I followed the nurse back to get weighed and as I stepped on the scale, I lost it. I started crying and shaking. It was pretty bad. I tried to tell her that I had anxiety about seeing a OB for the first time since a traumatic birth experience, but I am not sure how much of that she could make out. I was utterly embarrassed at the same time. I kept apologizing. She was very nice and told me not to appologize. And then she gave me the robe to change into.....

If nothing else, I learned the key to getting seen FAST by a doctor. Have a freak out. I barely had a chance to get undressed before the doctor came in. I start crying again. Of course, he had no idea why I was crying - as this is the first time I have seen him. He sat down and asked me if it was the yearly exam that was causing me anxiety. I said no and tried to explain that it was the traumatic experience with my son's birth and I told him that I knew I would be nervous about getting seen by an OB/GYN but I had no idea I would have the reaction I did. And, my goodnes, the doctor could not have handled the situation better. He started asking me about my job, I knew he was trying to get me talking about something I was more comfortable about - but it worked! I slowly started calming down and then we got back to talking about Fisher's birth.

I told him an abreviated story of Fisher's birth and explained the medical records "mistake." and then I told him that because of this I don't trust OBs. Hey, I laid all my cards out on the table. After crying hysterically in front of a complete stranger, there is really nothing to lose.

Again, he handled this all great, didn't seem offended that I just told him I don't trust him and his peers. He explained to me that he has had two brow presentations in his career (and he is in his late 50s) and that the last one he didn't pick up on until he had checked her a couple of times. But he did figure it out...so two points for that. And then he told me that if I were to get pregnant again, I would have the option of having a scheduled c-section or a VBAC and asked me if I had strong feelings either way. LOL. If you know me at all, you know I have a tiny bit of strong feelings in preferance for the VBAC and I told him this. He said that I was an excellent VBAC candidate, he didn't see any reason why I couldn't VBAC. He said that I could wear a mobile monitor and cruise up and down the hospital halls as much as I want. (Wait, I thought it was certain death if you got out of bed while in labor???)

The only thing that was concerning to me was that he told that he doesn't support VBACs for women with a baby measuring above 9 lb 14 oz in utero. Fisher was 9 lbs, 3 oz and was not fat at all. He was long and skinny. Shawn and I are very tall, big structured people. I am 6 foot and Shawn is 6'6. So I think there is a very good chance that a baby of ours would measure bigger than 9 lb 14 oz. And we all know the problems with ultrasounds not measuring correctly. So I guess I will cross that bridge in the future if I need to.

But overall, I am happy with the appointment. The doctor spend almost 45 minutes with me, which was more than my last OB spent with me my entire pregnancy! He was calm, listened, reassuring, and honest with me. I appreciate that. Many of the fears I had about seeing a new ob were eased. I was worried that he wouldn't believe me since my medical records don't match what happened. I was worried that since I know I have inaccurate medical records I wouldn't be allowed to VBAC, I was worried that I would have to stay in bed while laboring. All of those things I am not worried about anymore. I hate that I had to have a panic attack and freak out to get those answers and things resolved. But I am going in the right direction.