100% Family History of Cesarean

The maternal side of my family has quite the history of cesarean births.  Eleven to be exact.    My grandmother had three, my mother had three, my aunt had two, my older sister had two, and I have had one.  That is every single birth that we have had on the maternal side of my family for the past 80 years.  100%.  We blow the often discussed 1 in 3 babies are born by surgical birth out of the water.    And many of them started naturally - without induction.     The reasons for the cesareans in my family are varied  but several of them involved premature rupture of membranes, pitocin because of that, and then a ceserean due to failure to progress.   I realized this when I was pregnant with my son 5 years ago and I hoped maybe I could break the family tradition of births by cesarean.  I was really hoping to have a natural birth and knew that avoiding an induction I would decrease my chances of a cesarean birth.   Given my family history - I guess I shouldn't be too surprised how things turned out.  Premature rupture of membranes early in labor, pitocin, and then eventual c-section.   However, upon the c-section it was realized my son was brow presentation which is why I wasn't able to deliver him vaginally.

Thankfully I didn't dwell on the family history.  I actually didn't even think about it again until after the recent birth of my daughter.  While pregnant with her I worked my butt off to have a VBAC and just focused on doing what I could do to make that happen.  I found good providers, an excellent doula, I saw a chiropractor to encourage a good presentation during labor, I ate well, I trained for her birth using Hypnobabies, I didn't sit in a recliner because I was afraid I would mess up her presentation, and on and on.  And you know what?  I did it.  I had an amazing, empowering, all natural VBAC.   The first visitors to the hospital were two of my aunts and they reminded me of the fact that I was literally the first person in our family to have a vaginal birth.  The first!  That is crazy when you really think about it!  But at least now our family percentage of cesarean births went from 100% to 92%.  :)

So ladies -if you have a long (or complete, 100%) history of cesarean births in your family and you hope to have a different type of birth -  please have some hope.  Though we may be similar genetically or physically to our family members - how they birth does not mean that is how we will.  Though it might seem genetics or family history would suggest otherwise - my body knew exactly what to do.   It absolutely roared to life bringing my daughter into the world and my body did it. The entire thing - no premature rupture of membranes, no pitocin needed to "speed things along", and no failure to progress.  Ina May was right of course - my body really is not a lemon.  And you know what?  Neither is yours. 

Vacuum Injury

Vacuum injury.  That is what it is called in the medical world apparently.  Funny how we have been dealing with this crap for 2.5 years and that is the first time I have heard that term.  But according to an OB that recently reviewed Fisher's records - his injuries are textbook vacuum injury.  He said that the vacuum injury was of course caused by the brow presentation but that even pitocin induced contractions couldn't have caused the amount of damage on Fisher's face.  He said there is no way for a vacuum to cause such an injury except in a malpresentation situation.

I know it doesn't change things.   But having the cause of Fisher's problems laid out so simply, so succinctly is hard.   It would have been so easy to say "No, no vacuum.  Stop." I didn't.  I couldn't.  I didn't have the information and my head knows that I can't blame myself.  But sometimes my heart doesn't listen.  On the other side of the coin - in some ways "vacuum injury" is a little easier to stomach.  In my head I had always imagined Fisher's injuries developing over 22 hours of labor.  Thinking that the majority of the injuries happened over a shorter span is a little better to me.

This has been and continues to be such a long process.  In so many ways it would be easier to stop thinking about it, act like it didn't happen, and move on.  I know that many people could do that and a lot of times I wish I could. But I just can't ignore whatever it is inside me that keeps pushing me forward.  I ignored my intuition while I was in labor with Fisher and if there is one thing I have learned in this whole ordeal is that I will never make that mistake again.

I have been diagnosed....

I went to a counselor today for the first time. I have had a hard time dealing with all the things surrounding Fisher's birth from his injuries to mine. I wanted to be able to talk it out with someone and hopefully they will be able to help me deal with things and move on. I think that is my goal. Right now it is hard to move on because I see Fisher's scars every day and I know that he will have more surgeries in the future and I pay his medical bills and I go to physical therapy for my back. So I met with a counselor and most of the hour was spent just telling the story. She said she understood why I would be so upset because I had lost all control (which if you know me, you know how hard this is for me lol) and I had a lot of things happen to my body that were never explained and weren't documented correctly in my medical records. She said she that it was my body and I deserved to understand what happened and why. I of course agree.
And I got an official diagnoses of adjustment disorder with anxiety. From my little research I have done it appears that adjustment disorder is a pretty common diagnosis, it seems like a catch all to me. I don't particularly care what is "wrong" with me. I just want to know how to deal with everything in a healthy way.

My labor and delivery - the gift that just keeps on giving

Labor and delivery truly is the gift that keeps on giving. Since I had my son 9 months ago I have had many complications and issues....

PAUSE FOR A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT -
Yes, the overall end result was and is worth it. I am thankful for my son however that does not mean that I loved and/or am giddy about everything that has surrounded his birth and delivery. PSA OVER

I have been to the ER three times, for three separate post partum problems and I saw the OB 8 times post partum, had home health come to my house 8 times, had one (and now a second scheduled) MRI, apparently had a kidney infection for 6 weeks that caused my incision to not heal, blah, blah,blah.

Since January I have been dealing with back problems. I have been trying to go about my normal life and deal with it. My little sister is a physical therapist and she was pretty sure my symptoms involved disk problems so she has given me lots of exercises to do to help with the problems. I have been doing her suggested exercises and activities religiously and my back just continues to get worse and worse. This past week it has become hard to get out of bed in the morning and is really interfering with every aspect of my life. So I finally made an appointment with a doctor and she said that it appears I have some bulging disks and a pinched nerve. She said I probably messed up my disks while in labor or pushing for the two hours. It makes sense - if people can throw there back out by bending over to pick up a piece of trash - then surely labor could do it. I have an MRI scheduled for next week to see the extent of the damage and I am going to start going to Physical Therapy here to hopefully address some of the issues. I have my fingers crossed that my back can improve with physical therapy and I can get back to the active lifestyle that I enjoy!